Fishing for Answers is a weekly advice column on BAZAAR.com. From fashion conundrums (what in the world does one wear to a 'business casual' event?) to relationship struggles (how do I get one of those?), to getting ahead in your career and beyond, I’ll tackle your most burning questions with the truthful (and loving) sarcasm you won’t get from your therapist or mom.
Up this week: ghosting, moving on from a crush, and scamming your way into their will.
“This guy ghosted me over a year ago and out of the blue is sliding into my DMs again. We had really great chemistry, should I give him a second chance?
Oh honey no, what is you doing? Ghosting is about as common as actual dating itself is in this economy, but that doesn’t make it forgivable. Did he show up to your house holding a boombox blasting "In Your Eyes" outside your window? Did he enlist an entire high school marching band to serenade you? Did he write you a letter every day for a year? NO. HE SLID INTO YOUR DM’S. PROBABLY WITH A BAD LINE, TOO. A romantic love story this does not make.
The two of you may have had incredible chemistry, but what you did not have is respect. Because if he respected you, he wouldn’t have ghosted you out of the blue. And if he honestly wanted to redeem himself with a second chance, he wouldn’t have chosen an Instagram DM as the grand way to win you back. This is a trap. A modern-day booty call at best. Do not fall for it and convince yourself that he’s worthy of a second chance. My professional opinion would be to post a thirst trap in which you look hot AF, leave him on read, and move on to someone who’s going to respect you. That’s the greatest chemistry of all.
"When in a relationship should you bring up being added into their will?"
—Not a Scammer
Sounds like a second date conversation to me. But if you actually want a third date, I would maybe wait to bring up planning for their death until after you’ve secured the ring. Some people get a little touchy when they think you're trying to scam your way into their will and inheritance, which I guess is understandable.
If it's a long-term relationship, however, then it's fair game to bring up their will and plan for the future if it's something you're concerned about. Approach the conversation from a genuine point-of-view that's just trying to plan ahead, for both of your sakes. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, make it clear that it's a conversation that will benefit the both of you in the long-run. And if you're like me, lighten it up and ease the tension with a bad joke.
"I like someone but they don’t like me back, what do I do to get over them?"
Like most things in life, it all boils down to one question: how petty do you want to be? If you’d like us to formally address you as Ms. Petty LaBelle moving forward, go after one of his best friends, an attractive sibling, or a single dad as rebound options in your quest to make him jealous and full of regret. Or (and this is a very big or), you can understand that him not liking you has nothing to do with your own value and worth. Don’t stalk him on social media, don’t psychoanalyze everything you’ve ever said to him that could’ve been "wrong," and definitely don’t start to pick yourself apart over it (no, you don't need to debut a “revenge body,” either!!!). Instead of wasting energy trying to convince someone you’re worthy of liking, dust yourself off, practice some self-love, listen to Lizzo on repeat, and put yourself back out there again.
I know it’s easier said than done, but there’s a reason your mom and every person over the age of 50 has told you, “there are plenty of fish in the sea” a million times before. It’s true, and one who will appreciate you is out there and always worth waiting for.
Need some advice? Submit all your questions to [email protected] or DM me on Instagram @LaurenAlexisNYC. Read more Fishing for Answers here.